Why am I posting here?

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Because Tumblr is down, otherwise I'd post on my private account, which makes me wonder. Why don't I just post my private things here? Why do I bother having a private Tumblr and a public one? I donno, making things difficult for myself. Or maybe I'm just narcissistic and want someone to fine my posts and reply and feel sorry for my pitiful self.


Okay, I will start posting my private things here.

PS: I also had a lot of bacon in the pasta I bought today :)

Even time cannot erase everything.

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You can try push push push those memories back in your mind.

Forget those feelings that make you ache.

But alway always, they will come back to haunt you, like a bad flashback.

My feelings for you, although watered down, diluted, like two grains of salt in a fresh water lake, they are still there. Lingering. But there.

I don't want to fall for more people, only to have those feelings unrealized, and have them lingering. Unanswered.

Why do I bother coming home?

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I have a feeling that if I had entered the faculty of Arts, he would disown me.

Life is sort of goood :)

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Window open, scent of freshly cut grass. Spring or Summer in the air.... and it's sunny outside too.


My marks (except for Biol 140) are all above average (so far). Still waiting on my Chem 123 mark. Aced Physics 102 and Biol 121, and passed Math 101 (B) despite pretty much failing the course throughout the term (I suspect they scaled up... a lot).

I've been studying harder, reading my texts, and y'know... been overall positive this term. Leaving that negative friendship was probably one of the best decisions I've made all year. No distractions from this so called ex- "friend" as well... don't have to hear all her whiny bitching and cater to all her needs. heh, I'm too nice. I noticed an overall improvement in my quality of life.

Now... I have to decide my major :/ Well, my average is not steller... still a B average but Chem 123 may change that... unfortunately.

Most annoying thing. I get a notice on my door saying that my room in Fairview for this summer is ready then this afternoon I get an e-mail saying that it's still not ready! What?! Apparently the girl in the room right now applied for her summer housing late so is still in the process of moving out. WTH?! I applied early and get screwed with this. I'm still living in my winter term room, been eating out everyday since the cafeteria closed. Totally hurting my wallet and my health. fack, I want compensation for this.

Another note, I lost my U-pass yesterday... yay me. I didn't even get to use it. I ended up spending $5.00 on bus rides to and from John Oliver Secondary School for my midterm. I thought I'd need to blend in with the high schoolers but it seems they are used to having strangers entering and leaving the building. That can't be safe! Ah well, the midterm seemed easy and it went well.

Confused... once again...

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or maybe I over think things :/


Please, do not do these things to me then watch me from afar... Honestly, I don't really care but it makes for a very awkward atmosphere.

Easter break and have a lot of work to do but all day today I have been very unproductive. My feet are sore and my throat is sore... a good night of dancing, singing, and yelling.

I want to beat her with a stick!

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I want to beat her with a stick and tell her that THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND HER!


She is obviously not human because she cannot be reasoned with using words.

So frustrating.

She doesn't understand that she is living with other people and therefore has to share this living space. If she can't deal with it, then maybe she should leave and stop making things miserable for other people. It's not right that everyone has to tiptoe around for ONE person. It's not right.

I don't have depression but...

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sometimes I wonder....


Maybe it's because I'm all hormonal and going through my teenage years full of fun times and bad time. Sometimes I feel so stressed and wonder why I do what I do and what am I getting out of it? Why do I keep needing to uphold this image others have of me? My reputation? The expectations of my parents? What is my purpose in life? Don't worry I'm not going to become some hippy who travels the world trying to find herself.

But sometimes, sometimes, I just get so stressed and I wonder why I even bother which leads me feeling sad.... depressed. Then I get suicidal thoughts. Driving into that tree seems like a good idea.... None of which are ever serious though there was this one time.... but that's another story.

Does this make me prone to future mental illnesses? Do I have chemical imbalances just waiting to happen? One day, will I just explode?

I think I know why I tend to stray away from people.... I put a gap between us. I get too sensitive sometimes, too much emotion. I don't like it. Through elementary and most of secondary school I had remained a person with few emotions. Hiding them, shielding myself.

Ah... another pointless rant. Time to study!

Drunkardness

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The Rant

Like, WHAT THE FUCK?!

If you are talking about me and I happen to appear out of no where, please for the love of gawd, do not mutter under your breath "That's what happens when you talk bad about someone".

I rather make up reasons to dislike you than have an actual real reason to dislike you. Now I downright DESPISE you! Now I have to come to the realization that shitty people like you REALLY DO EXIST and it's not just me being inconsiderate and immature (though I know it was really you being the inconsiderate and immature one).

WAY TO RUIN MY EVENING/WEEKEND!

Now I'm going to hopefully be able to Skype my friend.

Events of Last Night (The main Story)

Before I begin, please don't judge me.

So last night was the first time in my 19 years minus one week and 2 days of my life getting drunk. That is not to say that it was my first time consuming alcohol. This weekend was the first weekend back from winter holidays so our floor decided to celebrate it in the form of consuming alcohol and being happy. For the most part I was happy but I guess alcohol takes a looooong time to affect me (same with Advil now that I think about it) so even though I hadn't had alcohol for 30 min I began to feel sick then went to my room to lie down. uggh, then felt more sick and ended up throwing up the brownie I had for dessert. BTW, I get the Asian Flush so people must of thought I was reaaaaally plastered but I wasn't. I usually have 5% stuff but I let a floor mate mix my drink (probably a bad idea) so, who knows what I had.

BUT, despite getting sick (which IMO wasn't that bad) last night was pretty epic though most people failed (including me). I made a rather quick recovery and basically just chilled with some floor mates for the rest of the night just to talk in the lounge. AND no hangover this morning. FTW! Even got up at 9:30 am to get breakfast and had a productive afternoon in which I did some pre-readings and finished my Bio121 assignment.

Another Lazy Christmas

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Playing xbox on our new widescreen, eating, sleeping.... life has been pretty good this Christmas.


Too bad it isn't going to last for too long. Next Saturday I will be boarding a plane back to Vancouver and life will return to the normal routine of sleep deprivation and studying. bleh.

It has been great sleeping in until 11:30am and eating tons of food. I've gained 5 lbs during my 1 week at home, which is a good thing. 5 more pounds to go! I lost 10lbs during school, mostly due to my 1-2 week long illness and I'm hoping to regain it and more.

I'm supposed to be doing my Mandarin 11 homework but I'm just not motivated to do any of it but I should since I won't have time once school starts again for the new term. I have 6 courses and labs DX.... why do I keep doing this to myself? If I count my Mandarin 11 distance learning class and my CSP workshop... I pretty much have 8 courses. :'(

Whining aside,

I'm very excited to start term 2. Having experienced university life in term 1 I feel that I kind of of know what to expect in terms of studying and time management to better prepare myself for term 2. whee! And, I passed all my term 1 courses! woot woot!

I'm also learning a different input method for typing Chinese called "CangJie". The learning curve is steep but the learning outcome is full of advantages.

Advantages of Cangjie:
- Don't need to know how to pronounce word
- Faster typing speed
- help me memorize character

Disadvantages:
- very unforgiving with input errors :/
- hard to learn



On a final and more personal note:

Not so sure how to deal with her right now. I think it's kind of good how things are right now. Now that we are not on good terms with each other (her fault) she has stopped pestering me. The bad thing is that there are a lot of awkward moments. gaah, wish she would just leave me alone. Wish we weren't such close friends to begin with. More like I treated her as a friend and she just used me.... fudge, so goddamn immature and needy. Can't wait 'til next year when I won't have to see her anymore.


The story of Tree and Fungus

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Once upon a time there was a fungus and a tree. I'm not sure if they are friends anymore but here is their story:


When Tree first met Fungus, Fungus was ill. Tree offered to help Fungus get better and Fungus accepted. Fungus got better and thanked tree. Tree and Fungus became friends.

Tree had a lot to offer and Fungus realized that. Tree was patient and generous. Fungus was dependent and inconsiderate. Fungus depended on Tree for many things, and Tree did not mind.

Soon, Fungus kept on asking and asking for the things Tree had. Tree began to slowly tire, but continued to give. Eventually Tree was too tired and told Fungus that it could no longer give. Fungus was offended. Tree and Fungus slowly grew apart. Fungus found a new friend and did not talk to Tree anymore. It was okay though because Tree had many other friends, such as the other animals in the forest. They were kind to Tree because Tree was kind to them.

Teachers' secret weapon

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A teacher's secret weapon to make you feel good about yourself so that you would do your homework even though you are a week behind in readings.

"have I told you already that I think your are starting off this journey toward your scholarly voice with excellent writing skills - good."
This is followed by:

"I hoped to see your first attempt at summary here today? For Wed. please try to get up to exercise #7 (73)"
Which roughly translates to: You are so fail because you haven't even attempted your homework, so do it now or else!

Is it wrong...

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Is it wrong that I do not miss home?


Was it wrong that I wanted to leave home, leave my hometown, leave everything behind? And not even want to come back?

Is there something so fundamentally wrong with me that I love this university and city so much and not so much as think about my past?

I miss my friends, I miss my dog, I miss the things I used to be able to do, but it is not enough for me to long for my home.

The cafeteria food is terrible, I don't have my own washroom, but still, still, I do not long to be home.

===

On a side note, I have officially handed over my FTO character to another player because I honest to God do not have time to take care of her. IMU Nissa. :'(

Faery Tale Online Drama - The Great Massacre of 49

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I was there.

Faery Tale Online (FTO for short) is a text based RPG. There's a long queue to be born. Yes, your character gets born into a family. I signed up in January and didn't have a character until June. Well, I think that's all the background info you need.

Basically, I logged into FTO to find my parents murdered by my brother. Shock shock! I was pretty shocked, confused, and upset about this whole ordeal which was apparently sparked by my sister's attempt at killing our mother. Due to some poor wording the log showed this:

"Sister was killed by mother"

When in fact my sister was killed in her attempt to kill our mother. And in a flash, one of my brothers kills our father and mother because he thought that our mother intentionally killed our sister. A different brother tries to avenge for our parents but gets killed in the process.

Crazy huh?

Then we get a lot of craziness in the FTO forums, where it becomes a Team A vs. Team B issue depending on whose story you believed in.

Lumin, our almighty admin resurrected the parents and brother into a different location. My character also get teleported too. yay! She heard Jeuno (their god) speak to her! No way?! Yes way! Wow, don't I seem like a gamer nerd? I wonder how the rest of the colony will fend for themselves.

Din Din for the Fam

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Today I cooked dinner for the family: dad, bro, and sis - because my mum is in Vancouver to visit my older brother and a friend of hers.

I cooked the bacon and peas, and eggs and tomatoes.

Sorry for such a short post but I have to get my homework done and go to sleep. I need to walk the dog and make breakfast tomorrow morning! How I miss my mother doing all this work.

New Template!

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As you can see here today, I have decided to switch to a different template. Obviously, I lack the skills to create my own template so I googled for one.

I like it.

Graduation, and that person.

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Graduation

Very very happy! At approximately 8-9 o'clock on a wonderful Friday evening I received my diploma! May 22nd, that is. I also won some scholarships and I am very grateful to the scholarship donors; the money will greatly help towards my educational expenses.

Since my last name starts with a "W" I was veeery near the end of the line to walk up. When I mean veeery near the end, I mean second to last. My friend since kindergarten was last. He was very nervous. I was so happy that I could sit with him during the grad ceremony. Being able to have him by my side calmed my nervousness a bit... I think it may have been because he was more nervous than I was. I don't think he realized how important he was to me for those 3 hours. We aren't very close though. Oh well. I don't think I'll ever forget him though. We went to elementary school together for a short time because he had transferred to a different school in grade 3. We didn't go to the same school again until high school.

His memories: Taking my cookies at recess time.
My memories: He had very neat and girly writing. We all envied him.

That Person

I guess this is a little strange for me to post this since I never really talk about my personal feelings even on the internet. After the Graduation ceremony most of us grads gathered together at a party. I remember my feelings for that person started a year ago at a friend's party... it was also on the night of last years graduation ceremony.

A year ago, after that party... that person seemed to be avoiding me at school. I sensed that our friendship wasn't the same anymore. The air between us had changed.

So, it has been a year. A year of awkwardness. Yes, we were both awkward around each other for an entire year but yet neither of us has said a word about it. I think the ice between us has melted a bit since last year but the friendship is not the same as it was before that night.

I will truly miss this person when I leave. Maybe the time spent being away from this person will help me lose those feelings for this person. Maybe we can be friends again like before. I just want for things to be like before. None of that awkwardness.

Maybe I'm over thinking this. Maybe it is just me? Maybe this person doesn't think of me the same way I think of this person? Either way, I hope this ice between us melts while we are apart.

At the grad party, the person didn't talk to me much but I couldn't help but notice that this person would give me glances once in a while. Like, seriously, stop giving me hints because I am not going to be making the first move. I want for us to be friends again. It was better that way. This person has been known to be very wishy-washy and plays around with people, even I know that.

Next year, will I see this person again? Will it be at a party? Will it be exactly a year later?

This person is not the same person as my friend who sat beside me during the grad ceremony. ^^

Twitter

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I've been hearing about this thing called "Twitter" for a very long time now. My knowledge of Twitter was that it was basically just a status update. In other words, Facebook in the nude. But why is it so popular? Can't people just settle with Facebook and be down with it? So in order to solve this mystery I headed over to Twitter and created an account. Can't say that I'm very impressed. It really isn't all that interesting. Interestingly though, two status updates later I had already gained a grand total of two followers. Yes, TWO followers. Sadly, these were spam followers. Both accounts were something along the lines of "Brittney Sex Videos". Something Twitter has but Facebook doesn't. Good job to you, Twitter.

On another note, I've been making multiple test timetables for my year at UBC. They call these worklists, and are used to help you create a timetables with courses that you may want to register in. Afterworking on my friend's UNBC timetable for over an hour, we both concluded that the principal of our highschool must be amazing to be able to make a school wide timtable for 500+ students.

It is NOT EASY trying to get your courses to fit nicely. And I also have criterea such as no early mornings on Mondays and trying to get out of school by 3pm. So far my latest class ends at 5:00pm. Not that I can do anything about it since I'm working with a standard time table. I =do= have a worklist where my latest classes are at 3:30 but my lunch breaks would be weird. I will eventually get this sorted out. Just need to have my fingers crossed.

I think there is something in my left eye....

Go the whole way.

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I have been toying with the question of "What if I got a tattoo?"

If I were to get a tattoo I would wait until I actually got a job. I think it would be pretty awesome to become a doctor with a tattoo, but I guess I would have to avoid becoming a pediatrician or something like that. "OMG the doctor has a tattoo mom, so can I get one?" Oh well, I'd lose my job if I did get one.

I also think that if people get tattoos they should go all the way with it. What is the point of getting one if they make it small and discreet? I mean, when people get tattoos they KNOW that it'll be on their skin FOREVER so why make it so discreet like it's a shame to have a tattoo? Seriously. end rant.

If I could get any tattoo and not have to worry about my job etc, I would get a sleeve. I just think that would be totally epic. I'm not sure why, but I do. I would have Chinese dragons and probably my last name in Chinese characters. Actually, dragons and horses. Dragons because I like dragons. Horses because that is my Chinese zodiac sign.

And yes I realized I have just ranted on about this, but if I had to make it discreet I'd just put 黃 somewhere on my back. I doubt I'd do it because if it had to be discreet then I wouldn't even bother getting a tattoo.

First Time Voting.. Even if it's Provincially

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Yay! So at approximately 12:20'ish I walked over to the Civic Center from my school - a 2 min walk. (How do you use a dash anyways?)

Inside the gymnasium, there were many tables set up with two people sitting at each table. There was the ballot box thingy, and a lame cardboard-hide-what-I-am-voting-thing at each table. So I go to Table #34, which some lady kindly directed me to, and I presented to them my yellow voting card and picture ID (driver's license). blah blah blah skip to next paragraph.

Voting wasn't all that exciting, BUT I did get to exercise my right as a citizen of British Columbia. I guess that was pretty epic.

Woah, Sudden Post Floodage!

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Yes, I went from a few posts to +24. Strange, yes?

Well, not strange at all! I just decided to merge my old posts from my previous blog into this blog. This was a random decision that I made a few minutes ago. This is how I came to that decision.

Firstly, I decided to head back to my old friend Cantr II. I found that one of my characters had died a rather pitiful death: he starved. I also found out that I wasn't banned from the IRC anymore.

Secondly, I checked out the Cantr forum and discovered that my avatar and signature were not working. This was due to the fact that I had moved all my avatars and signatures in my photobucket account into one folder for easier access. Upon discovering this, I also discovered that I had a link to my old blog from my profile, and out of curiosity... I clicked on the link.

Anyhow, I decided that I shouldn't bury my old posts into the realm of unknown so I merged them here. I think the reason why I didn't do it before was because I was too lazy to learn how to export my posts and import them into my current blog.

The reason why I had originally started a new blog was because I wanted to leave behind all the politics I had on my old blog. Namely all the Tibet related posts I had on there. Those were posted while I was obviously upset about the whole situation and had not really thought it through before posting what I had posted. Anyways, I do not believe in censoreship and hiding old things so I decided to merge them here. If you want to know about my current stand on the whole Tibet situation... well, maybe I'll make a post in the future.