I don't have depression but...

sometimes I wonder....

Maybe it's because I'm all hormonal and going through my teenage years full of fun times and bad time. Sometimes I feel so stressed and wonder why I do what I do and what am I getting out of it? Why do I keep needing to uphold this image others have of me? My reputation? The expectations of my parents? What is my purpose in life? Don't worry I'm not going to become some hippy who travels the world trying to find herself.

But sometimes, sometimes, I just get so stressed and I wonder why I even bother which leads me feeling sad.... depressed. Then I get suicidal thoughts. Driving into that tree seems like a good idea.... None of which are ever serious though there was this one time.... but that's another story.

Does this make me prone to future mental illnesses? Do I have chemical imbalances just waiting to happen? One day, will I just explode?

I think I know why I tend to stray away from people.... I put a gap between us. I get too sensitive sometimes, too much emotion. I don't like it. Through elementary and most of secondary school I had remained a person with few emotions. Hiding them, shielding myself.

Ah... another pointless rant. Time to study!

http://mooshinindy.com/2010/01/12/on-giving-depression-a-voice/

Drunkardness

The Rant

Like, WHAT THE FUCK?!

If you are talking about me and I happen to appear out of no where, please for the love of gawd, do not mutter under your breath "That's what happens when you talk bad about someone".

I rather make up reasons to dislike you than have an actual real reason to dislike you. Now I downright DESPISE you! Now I have to come to the realization that shitty people like you REALLY DO EXIST and it's not just me being inconsiderate and immature (though I know it was really you being the inconsiderate and immature one).

WAY TO RUIN MY EVENING/WEEKEND!

Now I'm going to hopefully be able to Skype my friend.

Events of Last Night (The main Story)

Before I begin, please don't judge me.

So last night was the first time in my 19 years minus one week and 2 days of my life getting drunk. That is not to say that it was my first time consuming alcohol. This weekend was the first weekend back from winter holidays so our floor decided to celebrate it in the form of consuming alcohol and being happy. For the most part I was happy but I guess alcohol takes a looooong time to affect me (same with Advil now that I think about it) so even though I hadn't had alcohol for 30 min I began to feel sick then went to my room to lie down. uggh, then felt more sick and ended up throwing up the brownie I had for dessert. BTW, I get the Asian Flush so people must of thought I was reaaaaally plastered but I wasn't. I usually have 5% stuff but I let a floor mate mix my drink (probably a bad idea) so, who knows what I had.

BUT, despite getting sick (which IMO wasn't that bad) last night was pretty epic though most people failed (including me). I made a rather quick recovery and basically just chilled with some floor mates for the rest of the night just to talk in the lounge. AND no hangover this morning. FTW! Even got up at 9:30 am to get breakfast and had a productive afternoon in which I did some pre-readings and finished my Bio121 assignment.