Why am I posting here?

Because Tumblr is down, otherwise I'd post on my private account, which makes me wonder. Why don't I just post my private things here? Why do I bother having a private Tumblr and a public one? I donno, making things difficult for myself. Or maybe I'm just narcissistic and want someone to fine my posts and reply and feel sorry for my pitiful self.

Okay, I will start posting my private things here.

PS: I also had a lot of bacon in the pasta I bought today :)

Even time cannot erase everything.

You can try push push push those memories back in your mind.

Forget those feelings that make you ache.

But alway always, they will come back to haunt you, like a bad flashback.

My feelings for you, although watered down, diluted, like two grains of salt in a fresh water lake, they are still there. Lingering. But there.

I don't want to fall for more people, only to have those feelings unrealized, and have them lingering. Unanswered.

Why do I bother coming home?

I have a feeling that if I had entered the faculty of Arts, he would disown me.

Life is sort of goood :)

Window open, scent of freshly cut grass. Spring or Summer in the air.... and it's sunny outside too.

My marks (except for Biol 140) are all above average (so far). Still waiting on my Chem 123 mark. Aced Physics 102 and Biol 121, and passed Math 101 (B) despite pretty much failing the course throughout the term (I suspect they scaled up... a lot).

I've been studying harder, reading my texts, and y'know... been overall positive this term. Leaving that negative friendship was probably one of the best decisions I've made all year. No distractions from this so called ex- "friend" as well... don't have to hear all her whiny bitching and cater to all her needs. heh, I'm too nice. I noticed an overall improvement in my quality of life.

Now... I have to decide my major :/ Well, my average is not steller... still a B average but Chem 123 may change that... unfortunately.

Most annoying thing. I get a notice on my door saying that my room in Fairview for this summer is ready then this afternoon I get an e-mail saying that it's still not ready! What?! Apparently the girl in the room right now applied for her summer housing late so is still in the process of moving out. WTH?! I applied early and get screwed with this. I'm still living in my winter term room, been eating out everyday since the cafeteria closed. Totally hurting my wallet and my health. fack, I want compensation for this.

Another note, I lost my U-pass yesterday... yay me. I didn't even get to use it. I ended up spending $5.00 on bus rides to and from John Oliver Secondary School for my midterm. I thought I'd need to blend in with the high schoolers but it seems they are used to having strangers entering and leaving the building. That can't be safe! Ah well, the midterm seemed easy and it went well.

Confused... once again...

or maybe I over think things :/

Please, do not do these things to me then watch me from afar... Honestly, I don't really care but it makes for a very awkward atmosphere.

Easter break and have a lot of work to do but all day today I have been very unproductive. My feet are sore and my throat is sore... a good night of dancing, singing, and yelling.

I want to beat her with a stick!

I want to beat her with a stick and tell her that THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND HER!

She is obviously not human because she cannot be reasoned with using words.

So frustrating.

She doesn't understand that she is living with other people and therefore has to share this living space. If she can't deal with it, then maybe she should leave and stop making things miserable for other people. It's not right that everyone has to tiptoe around for ONE person. It's not right.

I don't have depression but...

sometimes I wonder....

Maybe it's because I'm all hormonal and going through my teenage years full of fun times and bad time. Sometimes I feel so stressed and wonder why I do what I do and what am I getting out of it? Why do I keep needing to uphold this image others have of me? My reputation? The expectations of my parents? What is my purpose in life? Don't worry I'm not going to become some hippy who travels the world trying to find herself.

But sometimes, sometimes, I just get so stressed and I wonder why I even bother which leads me feeling sad.... depressed. Then I get suicidal thoughts. Driving into that tree seems like a good idea.... None of which are ever serious though there was this one time.... but that's another story.

Does this make me prone to future mental illnesses? Do I have chemical imbalances just waiting to happen? One day, will I just explode?

I think I know why I tend to stray away from people.... I put a gap between us. I get too sensitive sometimes, too much emotion. I don't like it. Through elementary and most of secondary school I had remained a person with few emotions. Hiding them, shielding myself.

Ah... another pointless rant. Time to study!

http://mooshinindy.com/2010/01/12/on-giving-depression-a-voice/